As our bus got closer and closer to Jinja, my mind could not fathom that the dream I had been dreaming for the past 5 years had finally become my reality. I could not seem to grasp how faithful God has been in providing me with so much, even though I deserve so little.
It was day one; the air was thick and smelled like fire, and the streets were filled with people walking through the red soil of Uganda.. The people were everpresent, and the kids looked more joyful than I could have ever imagined. Even though their feet were bare, even though their clothes were ripped, even though most of them had no idea where their next meal was coming from, they smiled. They smilled so big it was contagious, and I couldn't help but smile back..
We reached the AOET compound for the first time (where we slept each night), tons of children sprinted towards us, as they shouted "MZUNGU, MZUNGU" ~which means white person in l'ugandan. We had to go inside the compound and close the gate; even though all we wanted was to play with the kids, we went to unpack first.
As the rest of my team headed towards their huts to settle in, I snuck away--just for a minute, and I went over to the gate.. I was so curious I couldn't help but listen for laughter or singing. I put my ears up to the gate, but I didn't hear anything. There were some slits in the gate, just like those of the top of a locker.. So I stuck my finger through the gate. I started to wiggle it, and before I knew it, one little black pinky shot up through the gate. A few minutes later. there were at least forty little dark fingers through the gate, wiggling up and down, back and forth. I only knew five phrases in l’ugandan, and one of them was “Lets sing” which is “Tu Nnyimba.” I said “Tu Nnyimba,” to them, and there was a moment of silence. So I began to sang, “Jesus loves me this I know.” They repeated right after me “Jesus loves me this I know.” We would move our fingers to the beat of the song, and they would copy everything I did. It was so beautiful that I couldn’t help but stand there and sing two or three more songs. Their voices were so amazing that I wanted to stand at that gate for hours. In that moment, everything felt right. All these kids wanted was love, and all I wanted was to love them.
We woke up early and headed to the children's village. I never knew that would be the day that God changed my life through a little boy named Nassar.
We had 5 hours to spend loving the families in the children's village, and I spent all 5 with Nassar.
Nassar walked up to me, and gave me a big hug. In Uganda, its kind of "the thing" to spill your guts whenever you meet someone, and talk to them for hours on end, about anything and everything..its really beautiful.
So, I went along with the tradition, and I told him ALL about my life in America, and all that God has done to bless me and my family, and how I came to know Jesus as my Savior..
and then, Nassar told me his story:
"Well, when I was three, my father died from AIDS, and three years ago, my mother died. She got a disease, and we couldn't afford money to help her get to the clinic. But, dont worry, because they both came to know Jesus as their good and mighty Lord right before my father died. I'm so thankful that they are born again Christians, and that they are with God in heaven. Even though I miss them sometimes, God has a perfect plan. God always provides. So don't worry Julia. God is still good to me, every day."
I was so taken back. This 9 year old boy, who had lost both of his parents, was teaching me of how good of a God we serve, and that His compassions are new each morning. I should have been the one telling him to trust in God in all trials, and instead, he was teaching me so much about what it really means to have faith.
The week went on, and each day I got to know more and more about Nassar. In the mornings, he would walk to school with me; we skipped down the red dirt path, and I loved that he was always right by my side..We laughed harder than I've ever laughed, and we sang songs louder than I've ever sang. As we held hands, I would squeeze his hand three times, and I told him that meant "I love you." He would squeeze my hand back, three times, as he said, "ngkwaagala" -which means "I love you" in l'ugandan. The 'three squeeze' was kind of our thing.
(fast forward to almost the end of our trip) I sat under the night sky, surrounded by 30 boys and girls, and my heart didn't want to accept that we only had two days left with the beautiful people of Uganda. Gazing up at the breath-taking starry night, my heart was overflowed with joy as I remembered how big a God we serve, and how undeserving we are of His grace and His unfailing love. My heart stopped for a minute as I looked at the sky, I was in awe of God's beauty and my heart was so full. And on top of that, there were 30 beautiful children surrounding me, lifting up their voices freely, praising God. It was as if they forever wanted to stand before their King, and worship His name.They were in the dirt, on their knees, humbly giving their hearts to their Maker, as they sang: "All to Jesus, I surrender, I give my life, oh yeah." No one taught them how to worship. No one told them the way to praise God. They just praised. It was just them being real, and humble before God; giving Him the glory and worship that He deserves.
Nassar turned to me and said, "I'm really going to miss you when you have to leave me. I pray you will never forget me." A tear rolled down my cheek and I tried to wipe it before anyone would notice; in their culture, its very shamed upon to cry, and I didn't want any of my emotions to spark any of his. I turned to Nassar and said, "I'm going to miss you too, so much. And I could never forget you. Every night, when I look up at the stars, I'll remember you, and I'll say a prayer for you." His face lit up as he looked up at the twinkling stars, "Thats a great idea.I'll do that too."
Friday rolled around, despite my prayers for it to never come, and it was time for us to say our goodbyes to the kids. There was a huge ceremony that the school kids put on for us, with tons of dancing and singing. It was wonderful. Near the end, the principal of the school came and made an announcement that the kids taking the bus were being called to leave, even though it was 2 hours early....Nassar rode the bus home on Fridays.
NOOOOOOOOO.. I didn't want to say goodbye, and I really didn't want to say goodbye early.
Was this really my last day?
These kids had literally stolen my heart from me; everything about them captured me; I love them.
I am in love with the people of Uganda.
I couldn't leave.
I wasn't really a day away from getting on a plane to leave this place . . . this was my home -- or at least that is how it felt.
This wasn't really goodbye right.
Nassar sprinted through the crowd and jumped into my arms. I held on so tight and I just didn't want to ever let go. The principal called for Nassar to head over to the bus, so I held his hand for one last time, and walked him over. As they rounded up all the other kids to come to the bus, Nassar and I stood hugging right outside the bus doors. Nassar looked at me, and he began to weep. I started to weep with him and he hugged me again, and he wouldn't let go.We stood holding on to each other until all the other kids were on the bus except him. The bus driver told him it was time to go, so we had to say our last goodbyes.
"Julia," he said
"Yes Nassar?"
"Do you remember what you told me about the stars?"
I chuckled through my tears, "Of course I remember! How could I forget?"
". . . I promise that I'll do it, every day, for the rest of my life."
He gave me one last hug and ran on the bus. I couldn't catch my breath, and I fell to my knees. As the bus driver was shutting the doors, Nassar sprinted up to the front of the bus and started banging on the doors for him to open it. The bus driver opened the doors, and Nassar grabbed my hand, looked into my eyes, and squeezed it three times.
When those doors shut, I felt like someone had took part of my heart away from me.
Nassar sat in the very back of the bus, so I went to the back window, and I put both of my hands up to the window in the shape of a heart, and he did the same. The bus began to drive down the street and I ran after it, waving and blowing kisses until I couldn't keep up anymore. I stopped right there, and prayed for Nassar; I knew he was doing the same for me.
Nassar taught me so much about the Lord, and about life. The way Nassar looked at me reminded me of the way that God looks at us. Nassar would laugh at my jokes when they weren't funny, and he would look at me smiling every single time I opened my mouth; he would run up to me and hug me like he hadn't seen me in years, even though I had just left his classrooom for a moment; and I felt like he would love me no matter what. And that is what the Lord does with us. He loves us unfailingly. He laughs when our jokes aren't funny and He smiles every time He sees us, even when we aren't smiling back.
Nassar taught me that we should look at others the way that God looks at them, as His wonderfully made children; and that we should love with all of our hearts.
I would be lying if I didn't say that when I left Uganda, I left my heart there too. Sometimes I look up at the stars, and wish so badly that I could just leave my life here and live there forever. Every night I listen to videos of my uganda kids singing, and I close my eyes and pretend that I'm back in Uganda, standing right next to them.
My tears that I shed each day are from missing their beautiful presense; but my peace comes from Jesus Christ alone, knowing that each and every one of my kids is in the hands of the Lord. That He is their protector, and that He is still there loving them every day, with all of His heart.
I have been so encouraged as I remember that the God of Africa is the same God of America, and He is the same God who will never stop loving me, no matter what country I am in. His plan is always perfect, and much better that one I could ever have for myself.
I want to have the mountain moving faith that the people of Uganda have; and I never want to forget that heaven is my home--this is just a life to love others, tell the truth of Christ, and live to glorify our King.
God is so good to me, each and every day.
He is the author of beauty; He spoke the world into motion; He so generously gives me breath every day, even though I don't deserve it.
God loves us all the way to heaven and back!
James 1:2 "Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance."
Thankyou to everyone that made this trip possible, and thankyou so much for the prayers! We went to be a blessing to the people of Uganda, and I was definitley far more blessed myself than I was a blessing.
<3 07.22.12 <3
my beautiful children--sweet sounds on the playground <3
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